A Slow Burn

a Facebook DM
was a welcome surprise
in my boring life
lonely online.
the memes I made
one of which you saw
prompted the message
that sparked my intrigue

through months you shared
bits and pieces
of your life
I pieced together
a picture
of who you were

the more I learned
the more I yearned
the more I cared
the more I entertained
the idea that maybe
just maybe
we could meet one day

we were vastly different
I noticed some flaws
you triggered something
in me

you had always stated
that this would never go far
I tried not to care
but it was undoubtedly hard

you shared what you liked
I tried to be that
without changing
myself
somewhere along the line
I grew attached

you lost respect for me
and I lost respect for you
but we still engaged in convo

I held onto
a thread of hope
that maybe things
would improve
that maybe you’d care
about me

perhaps if we had met
in school
if you were younger
and I were older
things would be different
we could have been friends.

for months of attachment
I was in pain
as I watched you complain
about the others in your life

I tried to support
you
you never quite supported
me
the way that I expected
perhaps I never
communicated

we met twice
it felt like flames
dangerous
exhilarating
I felt wanted
but I knew
you didn’t want

you were always
respectful
the bare minimum
tactless
insensitive
self-centered
self-aware
lack of empathy

I was hurt
by my own attachment
to you

I insulted you
just to see
if you’d react
and you did

thank you
for teaching me
what I am looking for

you gave me feedback
told me to date others
to not waste my time
to get better at relationships
maybe I didn’t share my interests
but maybe you just didn’t pay
attention