Am I AD(H)D or has social media altered my brain?

I write this blog 4-5 years into my mental health journey. I've written quite a few reflective pieces covering various arcs in my own life since I started blogging in 2021.

The latest topic I've been focused on lately is my own neurodivergence. I recently had my second appointment with a psychologist. If you don't know what neurodivergence is, it is the word that encapsulates the diversity of each individual and their brain. As much as we like to think humans are all the same as homo sapiens, each of us has a unique brain that processes sensory information differently and have unique experiences that have shaped how our brain reacts to our evolving environment.

Why did I go see a psychologist?

I was curious. I had seen so much content online about the symptoms of ADHD and Autism and had related to enough of the unique quirks that were being discussed that I wanted to talk to a trained professional about whether I was able to be diagnosed as described by the DSM-5, the ever-evolving book that contains all of the possible mental disorders through a pathology lens. I had heard enough about how the awareness of symptoms has increased the number of people being diagnosed with ADHD and/or Autism, but I didn't want to be a part of the "over-diagnosed" statistic. I wanted someone to concretely assess whether I would gain value from a diagnosis as a way to hack my own brain.

Note: a therapist is someone who conducts talk therapy and is usually the go-to mental health starter. A psychologist can diagnose, and a psychiatrist is the doctor that can prescribe medications.

During my first appointment, which was virtual, I expressed my desire to assess the symptoms of neurodivergence that I had found relatable online – intentionally trying to share what I remembered of my childhood. I used to get in trouble for talking in class, trying to continue conversations from recess. According to family members, I asked for a snack in the middle of class once because I was hungry. I was never hyperactive in the "couldn't sit still" way. I described my university experience as being disengaged during boring lectures and an inability to self-study material. However, I coped well enough. My psychologist told me that if anything, I had mild ADD of the inattentive variety (which is more common in women!).

ADD comes with a lower baseline dopamine. To increase this, I'd need to maintain a workout habit and make sure I get my steps in every day. I work from home, so the lack of a commute is definitely contributing to my inability to focus. At the same time, I've heard that social media, which was created to hack the brain and provide quick dopamine hits, also decreases the baseline dopamine level.

So now, I've been wondering if my incessant scrolling of "Shorts" type content has made my lack of focus at work a larger issue. I've only been working for 2 years, and I've also only started consuming "Shorts" on Instagram and YouTube in the past 2 years as well, so I don't think I have enough evidence to make a case for either cause, though I do wonder how much my use of social media has altered my brain.

I'm not done with my mental health and personal growth journey, and I hope to continue to share more reflections as things evolve over time to bring awareness to more people and normalize seeking support and discussing these topics.

Some of my favorite AD(H)D creators and resources:
- ADDitude Magazine
- The ADHD Experts Podcast on Spotify (geared towards women with ADHD)
- Eugene Yao @adhdfounder on IG