Disappointing My Mother Was the Key to My Happiness

What is Your Vision?

This is a question I ask of almost everyone I meet. I ask this because it allows me to get a glimpse into the values and priorities of the other person. Some people dream about the simple life — settling down and starting a small family. Others dream ambitiously — either starting a business or working hard to have a fulfilling and illustrious career. Some want to travel the world, and others want to retire with their friends living down the street.

Growing up, I was always told to get a job, get married, start a family. The simple and easy life was the end goal. It was the normal way to go through life — we were normal people, not celebrities or extraordinarily special. It was as if I had no choice in my future path, and it was already decided for me.

I wasn’t satisfied with this. And yet, for a period of time in my life, I forced myself to accept it. During this time, when I met people who were ambitious like I truly wanted to be, I would project the views that my parents held onto those people. “Why aren’t you satisfied with the simple life?” I would demand.

It wasn’t until moving across the country and giving myself the space away from family that I was able to come to terms with and slowly accept parts of my true vision. I started to interact with and befriend people who were like me. The people I’d end up meeting inspired me to dream bigger. And not only dream bigger, but to also act on those dreams, taking steps to make the vision a reality.

Disappointment

In the process of accepting myself and what I truly wanted, I had to overcome the fear of disappointing my parents. The child in me always wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted to gain her approval and wanted her to acknowledge that I was capable of being successful. This mentality often came at a detriment to my own decision-making as I would act fearful of expressing my true self and sharing my own needs. (More on that in this blog.)

The moment I was no longer afraid of disagreeing with her honest opinions and advice, I was finally able to truly be myself in front of family — to merge the self that I presented in front of my friends and the self that I presented at home. Through this, I could truly start to feel comfortable at home and live the life I design.

There is No Correct Answer

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner, settling down, and relaxing. There’s also nothing wrong with being ambitious. The vision we have is typically the idealized future that we want for ourselves. As we meet new people and have new experiences, our vision may change. It may end up being a compromise or combination mixed with someone else’s vision that we meet along the way.

Ultimately, the vision is what we see our lives looking like in the future, and as we get further down the road and grow older in experiences and wisdom, that vision becomes more clear and less hazy. The vision slowly becomes a reality, and we can more accurately describe it. And yet, sometimes curveballs can show up in our lives and surprise us in ways we didn’t imagine.

I try to live my life open to endless possibilities and forks on the path towards the vision I intend to realize for myself. And as Ingvar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA once said, “Happiness is not reaching your goal. Happiness is being on the way.”