I Went To Church for the First Time Last Year

The Context

Near the end of 2023, one of my good friends in the Bay Area began attending a local church. It wasn't associated with any denomination of Christianity, though, of course, it followed the typical activities one would expect from a church: Bible study, Sunday church sessions, and community activities.

She had joined the church as a way to seek community and as a social activity. I had encouraged her to try it out, given that she had recently come out of a toxic relationship and needed to fill up her free time outside of work. She had also heard about this specific church from some other friends she knew in the area, so given that she had connections, she decided to give it a shot.

As the weeks went by and she attended church to fill her time on Sundays, she started participating in more and more of the activities. She seriously read and studied the Bible after joining one of the bible study groups. We would still meet up to hang out during the week or on weekends, and during the drives, we would talk about spirituality and religion. During our talks, we'd talk about how spirituality and religion are different–how religion is a modality through which one can be spiritual. There are many religions, rooted in different societies and circumstances, but all religions are spiritual in nature.

I also told her about how my paternal grandfather was Christian. As someone of Chinese descent, I was raised in an Atheist family. Historically, in China, people are generally either Buddhist or Atheist. The Cultural Revolution tried to push out religion in its entirety, and there exists Falun Gong as a branch of Buddhism. Growing up, watching the Monkey King (Sun Wukong 孙悟空) Journey to the West (西游记) live-action drama, I would hear about Guanyin Pusa (观音菩萨), the main goddess in the film. Religion wasn't very serious in my family, but it definitely existed as a Chinese cultural backdrop.

I would talk about how it is often soothing to have an explanation for something that seems unexplainable. Either because we don't have the science for it yet, or because it is simply due to the randomness that exists in the world. As such, I currently identify as a spiritual agnostic. I would also share with her how in many of these religions that exist, there is also a sort of societal rulebook–a moral compass that one should follow. Because there exists a set of rules that a culture within a society would follow, everyone would be aligned and on the same page about what is good, what is bad, and how decisions should be made.

Eventually, after a few months, she told me she wasn't able to believe in God. She would read the Bible and question whether the stories actually happened. I told her I was interested in attending one church session just to see how things are. I also wanted to understand my paternal grandfather and try to embody a bit of his experiences, as I never had a chance to properly talk to him.

Finally Attending Church

The day I decided to attend church was sometime around Easter Sunday in 2024. I told my friend I'd meet up with her at the location. I remember it being a bustling community. I walked in, grabbed some coffee, and put way too much sweetener into it. "Not as good as specialty coffee," I had thought. I followed my friend into the hall and found a seat off to the side. I noticed the stage with the instruments on it paid attention to what else I could see around me. I don't remember the last time I was in a church, but I do remember my daycare prior to attending elementary school being at a church. That's to say, it had been a long time since I had stepped inside a church outside of ones that were marked as a tourist destination.

When the pastor got up on stage and started to kick off the day, I noticed how it felt like a pep talk. There was a slideshow presentation behind him as he gave updates about the church events happening in the community, after which he led us through some lines in the Bible he wanted us to focus on. It really was a motivational talk, a reminder to do good and be a good human. I could see the appeal. To come to a community of friendly faces and receive a motivational reminder every week could surely lift some spirits and guide some folks towards their own goals in life.

Eventually, it came time to sing and consume the communion wafer and wine. I had been shared an alignment chart meme of what would be possible to consecrate at communion by some friends, through which I learned of the activity. The snacks themselves were pretty good. I got bored by the end of the church day, given that I had come to my conclusions about what value church had for people and how it didn't seem to add value to my own life.

On this specific day, someone in the church had decided to get baptised. I watched and listened as she gave an emotional speech sharing her story about how she found community through the church after being lost and from a previous life without spirituality. She stepped into the tub of water on stage for her baptism. It looked like getting dunked in a bathtub with some clothes on. I remember when one of my cousins got married to his current wife, he converted for her and was baptised by jumping into a swimming pool.

Takeaways

After attending church, I didn't see the value of the community or the motivational speeches in my life specifically, but I do now understand and respect what it means for others. Depending on the church and the people in it, these communities can vary in culture – they can be more cultish or be more friendly and open.

I did end up buying a copy of the Bible, with the NIV translation, so that I could read it as a historical book. I have a page in my personal Notion in which I jot down notes. The notes I take range from lines I find interesting, which so far are either due to the ages of the characters mentioned or due to the logical conclusions that are found based on how the stories are told. It is a dense book, and I don't study it as consistently as one typically would, so I'm still making my way through Genesis of the Old Testament. Eventually, I do hope to finish the Bible with thorough notes because not only do I want to take one step closer to my paternal grandfather, but also understand the set of beliefs that Christianity is sourced from and be able to fully sympathize with the experiences of some of my friends who were raised Christian.